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touching her softly Rain is falling and I am still awake. I don't think that that will last for long though. Sleep is what I need and want. I won't be denied. ... Yesterday I woke in time to see what passed for a sun set. The sun itself wasn't there. Instead there was a band of sky near the horizon that was lighter than the rest. Between the dark clouds and the ground there was a hint of where the sky would have been red if there was a sun to shine. Instead of red there was a color that fell somewhere in between indigo violet. Then there wasn't any color at all. ... Although I might have some complaints about my life, mine is nothing compared to what happens to Ann. That poor girl never seems to have a day without stress. Maybe someday things will get better for her. I can only hope. Once I got to work last night my mood improved and I didn't ask why. Maybe it was because I was that much closer to the weekend and I didn't have to pretend that I cared about being there. I mean this never felt like a holiday week to me. In my mind it was just another regular week with less motivation than usual. Somehow each day felt longer than the previous one and any end to it seemed far far away. ... Early this morning Nicole was sitting down in a chair and I sat down in one next to her. I was done for the day and moved closer until the chairs touched. At first I played with hair and rubbed her back as she talked and typed on the keyboard. Now maybe I was tired, but suddenly I wanted to get closer to her and I did. My arms went around her waist from the side and I leaned my head against her neck. I held her briefly to see if she would pull away, she didn't. She was warm and I couldn't imagine being anywhere else. Having held her so close once, I had to do it again lingering a little longer. Then I wanted to hold her like I hadn't before. My hands cupped her breasts as I kissed her on her cheek. Then I kissed her again. She said that I liked to cuddle. I said that I did. In fact I said that I could hold her for hours if it were possible. Human touch. Human warmth. The feel of her in my arms, playing with her hair. All of it felt so good. I'm not sure why Nicole let me get as intimate as I did, but I don't regret what I did nor do I think that she does. I like to think that it was innocent and comforting more than anything else. I just wanted to hold her and she seemed to agree with the idea.
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