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layers my friend By nine o'clock this morning, I had bought groceries for the week, put gas in my car, carried in some bar stools that had been rattling around in the trunk of my car since Christmas and mailed some letters. Now that might sound impressive except for the fact that I had been awake since three in the morning. Per my usual routine I had fallen asleep on the couch Sunday night somewhere in the middle of the X-Files. Gillian Anderson was largely absent from the episode and there was no sign of Annabeth Gish to keep me awake. ... After finishing that first round of chores and eating a late breakfast I ventured back out into the cold for some movies for the night. By the number of people that were in the video store it was obvious that other people had the same idea that I did. Rather than going out on amateur drunk night, staying home and watching movies was the more intelligent option. Despite the crowds, I did still manage to walk away with what I hope are three good films. In my hand were The House of Mirth, Pi and Requiem for a Dream. Speaking of movies sometime last week Ann gave me her copy of The 13th Warrior to watch. It was not something that I would ever have rented, but for free I didn't have any problems watching it. No, I think that I need to rephrase that last thought. It actually took me two attempts to sit through the entire movie. It was so dull and completely forgetful. Even worse was the fact that I was yawning the whole time. I have no idea what she found appealing in the movie except for the parts where they picked on the Banderas character. Of course she had already relayed those parts of the movie to me beforehand so they weren't new to me when I watched the movie. ... Hours later I can truly say that The House of Mirth is a great film. It took me about an hour to get used to seeing Gillian wearing something other than a black pantsuit, but once I did I started to get into the film. The people were truly Wharton characters and Lily Bart definitely falls hard. I can't quite say if she fell harder than Ethan Frome, but the two of them certainly suffered in their literary lives. ... I kept debating if I wanted to do a retrospective on the year. It all screams cliche to me, but sometimes I can't resist so here I go. Looking back this was a decent year for me. I made it to Australia, became a homeowner, finished two more semesters of school and had time for a summer romance. As to what will happen in the coming year is beyond me. One might think that I'll find someone to marry now that I own a place, but I doubt that that will happen. I've played house twice before and I don't think that I am meant to be married. At best I might be able to manage a Tim Robbins Susan Sarandon type of arrangement or a Kurt Russell Goldie Hawn scenario if you prefer. Perhaps some of this negativity comes from having just watched The House of Mirth. That film is almost a complete condemnation of marriage or at the very least for women who want to remain independent. Wharton seems to like that theme since it was also touched upon in Ethan Frome except in that book a man was doomed instead of a woman. Looking at examples in real life, marriage seems just as grim. Even though Nicole and her fiance aren't married they've reached that quiet acceptance and bickering stage that so many couples seem to do. She doesn't seem happy, but she is willing to endure it for the sake of her son. Actually I think that her son is one of the few things in life that makes her happy. Next in line would probably be her numerous pets with her fiance coming in third. It all strikes me as more than a little sad. Then again maybe Nicole is different at home with her fiance. Women do like to complain about the men in their lives and I suppose that the same could be said for men when it comes to women in their lives. Life isn't a honeymoon and some people seem to forget the for worse part of the vows if they even bother to use that line at all. Maybe this is because I just want Nicole for myself. No, I know it would never work, but she is one of my favorite people to flirt with and hold. I just wish that she would expect more from life. I guess that she is trying, but seeing her suffer bothers me. At least she doesn't dig as big of a hole for herself as Ann does. ... All of this talk about suffering and expectations of life is something that I can ponder for hours. People approach life in so many different ways and the variety always amazes me. The term that was used in class was a spiritual journey and was what I chose to be the topic of my final paper. People need to understand what they can and can not do in life. They need to find something that gives it meaning. For some people like my flirting buddy Nicole that would be her son and not taking life too seriously. Other people seem to put all of their energy into their job. As for me neither of those options would apply. I am not a parent nor do I like my job that much. My motivating force seems to be more abstract and sometimes is little more than wondering what will happen next in my life. I'm not saying that it is beyond my control, but at the same time I have never been one to have a fixed timeline for the future. I hope to have a good spring semester and from there I'll be off to Europe again, but besides those two things everything else is variable. That may not be the best way to live, but it does work for me. Maybe I'll have a better philosophy by the end of next year.
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