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respect the elders I seem to be slipping back again into one of my bitter self-imposed outcast modes where nothing in the world seems right to me. Everything strikes me as dull and going to work has become a struggle. I suppose in the midst of this wonderful recession I should be grateful for the job, but it still bores me to death and my patience is wearing thin. Yes, this is not a new song and dance from me and I still have no idea how and or where to escape next. Today was not nearly as stressful as yesterday. First of all there weren't any dealings with money. Nor did I have to make any other annoying phone calls. There was school of course and to dampen my mood on that front my new and possibly future date was not in class. At first I thought that she might just be late, but she never showed. Class without her was fine, but it would have been nice to talk with her. I am hoping that she will be there Thursday and that she didn't drop the class, but was just sick. I'll know the answer in a couple of days. After class I made my way across the campus to pick up my final paper from last semester. It was there this time and it felt good to read the comments that the professor had written. At least someone tells me that I can think and do things in an intelligent manner. So often at work I feel as though I am from another planet when I don't take any of what they say and do there seriously. Honestly that fifteen page paper means more to me than anything that I did at my job all of last year. ... Early this afternoon my mom told me that my grandma is being transferred to a nursing home. We knew that this was coming, but I hate those places. Yes, I know that they are supposed to help people, but why are they staffed with people who make minimum wage? Why do they smell? Why don't they have a Dante quote above door? I will do my best to put aside my feelings and try to visit at least once a week. Naturally this is even harder for my mom and she is already working to have my grandma live with her and my dad. Since my mom was an occupational therapist for a number of years this is not that big of an adjustment for them. Years ago head injury people used to live with them. Of course those were strangers and this is family. That fact may or may not make it better. ... I started another Jonathan Carroll book this afternoon and I hope that I enjoy it as much as I did the first one that I read. ... Rather than listening to the leader of this country speak, I opted to watch a documentary on the history of fireworks. If there wasn't that issue of safety, I don't think that it would be that bad of a career choice. Then again it all seems to be run by a select few families.
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