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under rug swept Class was uneventful today and I managed to work ahead without knowing it. Only one of the two assignments that I did since the last class was due today. It feels good to have that slight margin even though it didn't take that much effort on my part. My female friend decided not to sit by me today and I'm not sure what that means. I could fool myself into thinking that she didn't see me when she walked into class, but I won't. Then again maybe on Thursday I'll find out that I was wrong. I don't know and thankfully I only let it bother me for part of the morning. ... I tried not to think that much about my grandma today, but I did. The image of her slumped over in a wheelchair is hard to shake from my mind. It was something that I had prepared myself for and knew was a reality, but that doesn't make it easier to see. The suffering, indignity and helplessness were all there on her face. She said that she wanted to go home. When my grandpa, her husband, had his stroke, I wished that there was some way that I could give him ten years of my life. It made sense to me in some odd Saturday afternoon science fiction way. I would scan my life card into a machine and then he would slide his card into said machine to take those ten years. I wouldn't have minded. He would be that much younger and I wouldn't miss that final decade. Of course that never happened. As I have said before her body betrayed her. I suppose that one could argue that she can recover, but the damage seems so great that I have doubts. The human body is built to die. At least that is what I read in a recent article in Time magazine. Oh, we may have extended the lifespan of a person over this past century, but the body still malfunctions in so many ways. Cells die, organs fail and then there are the other outside forces that can end a life. Plants and animals seem to accept this fact and reproduce as quickly as possible. Humanity wants more than to eat, shit, fuck and die though. Sometimes we don't seem to get that far beyond those things those and I find that to be incredibly sad. ... Alanis has something with her song Utopia. There are flaws in the rest of the album.
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