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an early one Speed up and then slow down is about the best way that I can describe how my life has been feeling lately. So much has been happening yet at the same time nothing seems to be changing and I think that it is starting to get to me. The need for a vacation or at the very least just a day or two to sit and think is what I need now. On an odd tangent I got one step closer to Europe by buying my plane ticket to go later this year. It makes it seem more real to me now. May might still be months away, but I know what I am going to be doing then and I find that to be comforting. ... At four-thirty this afternoon my doorbell rang. I was sleeping at the time and mistakenly thought that maybe a delivery was being made so I pulled some clothes on and stumbled to the door. Once I opened it I saw a young woman that I did not know holding a box. She asked me if I was familiar with some religious organization and I immediately wished that I had stayed in bed. I didn't want someone to save my soul or have to give money to save someone else's soul. All that I wanted to do was sleep. Her cause was a lost one on me. ... I think that I may be pushing my buddy Nicole a little too far and I need to stop. What I mean to say is that my flirting with her has gotten more and more aggressive and she knows it. In fact I think that this morning it started to bother her and I felt awful about it when I left work. As they say a line may have been crossed and maybe it shouldn't have been. Obviously I know that I can't have her, but I didn't know that it would bother me this much to see her and not be able to be closer to her. At the moment no damage has been done, but my physical contact with her has gotten less subtle over time and that is not a good move on my part. A quick hug every once in a while should be enough. She is with someone else and that isn't going to change. Now if only I could get some kind of balance when it comes to Nicole without losing her completely, I think that I could be happy. ... Unlike the previous three semesters of school there is something different about this one that I want to change. Quite simply there isn't as much interaction for me. When I went to class the other semesters there was always someone to talk with for a few minutes before or after class. Now with a lecture class format instead of a discussion one that seems to have disappeared. There was the one girl that was lost with me on the first day, but she decided to drop the class and put an end to that conversation avenue.
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