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ten years later The sun set, then rose and now I feel better. I often seem to waver between being rather naive and idealistic to the worst degree of cynical, but I guess that I can live with that range of emotions. ... Nicole had just been chewed out when I went to talk with her early this morning, so I got the subdued version at first. Then ever so slowly she brightened and came to life. A coworker had been eating some clam chowder and Nicole had to comment on the smell and that triggered a very odd if not juvenile conversation that included another coworker calling her Miss Tuna Breath and Farts, which caught me by surprise. Maybe the name was Tuna Breath and Farts Girl, but it really doesn't matter. It seems that not everyone sees her the same way that I do. Oh, I don't idealize her and I am well aware that women have the same bodily functions as men even though some of them try to deny it. Besides Nicole didn't back down in the conversation and was in fact the catalyst for it. I walked away once they started arguing some more on as to who was the most foul in their habits. ... I've come to a conclusion about my job. It is ideal for someone in their mid-forties raising a family of two to three children. The company is stable and offers little stress on a day to day basis. However, that profile does not match me. My boss was on vacation today and that made the day that much better. ... Hours later. A bad habit of mine is dwelling on things for far too long and the journal encourages that kind of behavior. What I should learn is that some things simply need to be let go rather than examined for days on end. Now having said that I am going to say some more things about the party that I was at last week and why it bothered me so much. Being there made me feel old. When I looked around the room I knew that I was the oldest person there and that made me feel uncomfortable for some reason. Then again maybe it was what we were doing that bothered me. It was something that I had done a decade ago and it just didn't seem fun anymore. When I was twenty-two years old I didn't think twice about spending the night drinking just for the sake of drinking. A group of seven or eight of us would get together drink, smoke pot and watch Kids in the Hall or Monty Python. At the time we felt as though we were really alive, because we were hip and we were funny. I didn't feel that way at all last week Friday. What I knew and thought was hip wasn't anymore. Oh, I knew some of the things that they were talking about at the party, but at the same time my point of reference has changed. I didn't even recognize the drinks that were being offered. One of them was something called Skyy Blue which I now know just hit the market this year if not last month. My twenty-two year old sister knew right away what I was drinking, but as I said I'm not her age anymore. Sigh.
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