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hold her close Quarter to three in the afternoon and I need to get to sleep, but I have a few things on my mind that I want to say first. ... I was told Tuesday night at work that Ann had called there Monday night Tuesday morning looking for me. She needed a reference for a job interview and she mistakenly thought that I was there. Sigh. As someone else put it, I seem to be important when she needs something. Wait a minute. I looked back a year ago in the journal and saw that Ann called asking to pick her up from the hospital. I guess that someone hasn't changed that much in a year. ... My grandma is getting moved to a new health care facility. My complaints about the place pale in comparison to what my mom has said, so I definitely see that as a good thing. I had been told that this might happen, but the paperwork didn't get finalized until yesterday. ... I made it to class on time today. Lost Girl sitting in the back row caught my eye and smiled at me. I waved and sat down in my usual seat. It was a nice gesture and took off some of the edge that work had left me. In hindsight I could have spoken with her, but I'm not quite sure what to say to her any more. Besides she ran out of the room before I did after class. ... Without planning it, I ended up walking behind Miss Flax across campus until she went into the dorms. Now her I could probably still say something, but I didn't since she seemed to be in a hurry. Then again it might have been the boots that she was wearing. They seemed to be making it hard for her to walk. ... There are times when I almost feel that life becomes an either or option. Either I get married and have a family or I stay single and get stuck in a job that I can barely tolerate. Does that make sense? I'll try again. If I got married then there would be the daily satisfaction of having a wife that loves me and cares for me that would make my life worthwhile. Plus there would be children to further validate my life. However if I stay single then all of my energy has to be put into my job. Somehow that equation doesn't work for me. What I am saying is that since I do not have the responsibility of family why should I be expected to have a normal nine to five existence? It almost seems as though I am being punished for not following a certain way of living. My parents are in no hurry to see me "settle down" and often tell me to travel while I am young and can enjoy it. Plus as I said there is no woman of my dreams in my life at this moment and Nicole doesn't count due to her attachment to someone else. I also think that I should be given credit for trying. I was perfectly willing to change parts of my life to be with Summer and she in effect said no. She still has many issues with her former husband that prevent her from getting close to any man. Sigh. So now here I am spinning my gears and slowly getting more and more angry at work and where my life seems to be going. He's a real nowhere man making all his nowhere plans for nobody.
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