|
magenta saved flash Part of Saturday evening was spent visiting with my family. We had been brought together to celebrate the graduation of my brother from OCS. While my parents had made the hour long drive to the ceremony that took place in the late morning hours, I had gone to sleep. Seeing pictures of my brother in face paint and fatigues holding a gun that is bigger than any I have ever seen in person is odd. Actually most of his life is very different than mine. First of all he lives in another state with his fiancee and should be completing his masters degree either this fall or in the spring. Secondly he seems to know what he wants from life much earlier than I ever did. Of course I could be wrong and he has just as much uncertainty in his life as I have in mine. I've never asked him. ... Sunday is here and that means that I won't see Nicole again until Thursday night. Actually I didn't see her at all Saturday night or this morning either. I just spoke with her on the phone. ... The fact that I won't be able to escape from my job for another year still bothered me today. Actually I think that that idea is going to haunt me for the rest of the year. Obviously that is not something that I want to happen, but I can't think of a way to avoid it. The thought of having to endure my job for another year is so depressing. I am hoping that I get a worthwhile raise at the end of the month to commemorate my upcoming fourth year anniversary with the company to distract me for a time. I am also hoping that my new schedule happens soon so that I'll get even more money from the company. Yes, I will readily admit that money would make me very happy right now. ... Even though school makes me happy, it still hurts me in another way. Let me explain. I've been squeezing my budget as much as possible to pay for tuition since I make too much money to get any assistance. Yes, I have to spend money to get out of my job if that makes any sense. Then again there is the saying that a person has to spend money in order to make money. Sigh. Work has said that they would reimburse me for school, but I have yet to see any money for the spring semester. Of course my goal is to have that money and the money for the summer session to come to me at the same time so that I can apply that towards the bill for the fall semester. I guess that I could say that I am spending my money on a mental journey as opposed to a physical one. I may not be able to leave work and or the country at the moment, but through the help of school I can escape in my mind. As awkward as that analogy might seem it is all that I have to keep me going. I certainly don't enjoy feeling depressed and helpless. ... Once again I keep asking myself if I want too much from life. Are my wants too unrealistic? Should I just get married, get fat, stay in a dead end job, complain about the government and then die? No. As unhappy as I am at the moment, I refuse to become Joe Six Pack. As arrogant as it might sound I know that the average American middle class way of life is not for me. There has to be a way to get what I want from life without killing myself in the effort. ... A new Tom Tykwer film with Cate Blanchett in the lead role will be released this October and I am definitely going to be there to see it no matter how busy my schedule might be at the time. Not only do I like the director and the lead actress, but the film was written by the late Krysztof Kieslowski, whose other films make up a large portion of my collection. My only fear is that this will be an art house film and get a very limited release here in Milwaukee if one at all. This film and quite a few others were brought to my attention as I leafed through the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly Saturday night. Going to the movies and or renting them was something that fell by the side this summer due to my busy schedule. Maybe I can do one of them these next two weeks before everything slips into high gear again.
|