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not my girlfriend Early this morning at work, Nicole was in a very playful mood and I was more than willing to join her. For what seemed like a very long time to me she was distant if not completely absent from my life and I missed her. I don't want to lose her again. Tickling Nicole is always a good thing and she knows how to laugh. It feels good to be able to touch someone and be silly. Now it sounds as though I need to relax, but that isn't what I mean. Most of the month work has been less than stressful, but when she and I click things get even better. I don't wish that we were together as much as I did in the past, but she still makes me happy whenever it is just the two of us. Sadly our time was cut short when she had to leave early. Hopefully the same thing won't happen next week Monday morning. ... Tonight at work it occurred to me that without school to drive me, I'm feeling a little lost. This isn't a new feeling. I've felt that way since last week, but wasn't able to really describe it until now. The sleep robbing regimen of the past sixteen weeks is over and in its place is a hole where I used to be so busy. With the sudden abundance of time and the onset of disorientation, everything in my life has stopped and so have I. Naturally I had suspected that this would happen, but knowing something and actually experiencing it are two different things. I'm not complaining about my current situation. I just need to find a new focus until the spring semesters starts in a month. The trip was supposed to fill that void, but that isn't going to happen anymore as I said a few days ago. All that I have coming up in January are two plays and my job, which I try to mention as little as possible here, because I see it as a dead topic. By dead topic I mean my job, not the plays. With the new change in hours, the job has almost become new even though the stagnation is ever present. Thankfully the new three day weekends make my being more tolerable. The holidays won't take up that much of my time even though I'm not working those days. There just isn't that much interest on my part. Somehow holidays seem to be geared more towards children and for me that was a long time ago. Now I probably sound bitter, but I think that I am being honest and here are my reasons. Children don't have to worry about having enough money to buy presents. For me all of those things are what spoil the holidays for most people. They get caught up in trying to create perfection and leave little time for actual enjoyment. I could be wrong of course, but I don't think that I am. I've had the presents for over a week now, but the wrapping won't start until tomorrow morning. Wrapping them so close to Christmas doesn't bother me. I have plenty of time and it'll be a nice transition from work to sleep. |