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positive thinking perhaps Two in the morning was where the day started for me and I didn't mind. I tend to work and think best at that time of the day when there is little to distract me. Everything is quiet and stress is something far far away. Sadly the day went downhill once the sun rose. Free time is not something that I am used to having and lately wasting it seems to be the easiest thing to do. More than once today I was more than willing to go back to sleep rather than do anything productive. Without class to keep me awake none of my personal projects seemed to have the same hold on me. I need to work on that problem. I know that I have discipline, I just have to focus on it more than I do. I also think that the weather played a factor in my sloth today. Quite honestly most of the day was dreary and made staying under the covers seem like an ideal place to be instead of venturing out into the cold and gray. Eventually I did manage to leave the house, but it wasn't until one in the afternoon. ... Shakespeare was with me again this morning. This time I was watching a comedy instead of a drama. Hamlet gave way to Rosalind and it was a nice change of pace. I'm not sure what appeals to me the most about As You Like It. Maybe it has to do with some of the speeches. Both the seven ages of man speech and the all the world's a stage line are in the play. The play is also one of the few comedies that I have seen live. Eight years ago Darcy and I sat through a wonderful performance of As You Like It in Minneapolis and I'll never forget that night. All of the main characters except Touchstone were in period dress. It was an interesting contrast that worked for me. In addition to the costuming they had a very elaborate stage set that included a row of mirrors that was disturbing and sinister. The two of us had waited to get last minute tickets and that was fine with me. It didn't matter where we sat as long as I was with her. I was still very much in love with her and was hoping that we would get back together. She, however, did not feel the same way, but was willing to spend time with me. To this day I have no idea if she had a good time or not. For part of the play she was complaining of a headache and there was nothing that I could do for her. ... While they were changing the oil on my car, I started reading Joseph Conrad's novel Chance and I was surprised at how easily I fell into it. For months a copy of the book had been stored in the glove compartment of my car for when I might need something to read. Today that moment happened and I was glad that the book was there. I know next to nothing about sea life, but Conrad can still draw me in to the story. Only sixty pages into the book, I can tell that it has more to do with the potential of life than what life is like on a boat. The title itself hints at the idea that life is uncertain, but can be rewarding. Maybe I picked a good time to read such a book, since at the moment my life is anything but rewarding and I need to see something positive in it again. ... As soon as I walked through the front door, I recognized the smell. It was the same smell that the store had where I worked a decade ago. Then I had to wonder if all of the stores in the chain were meant to smell that way. Was it a combination of the silk flowers and oddly shaped pots that gave it that certain odor? I didn't know. What I knew was that it wasn't a natural smell. It was definitely man made and it did not sit well with me. Standing in the greenhouse section of the store were two young women. They were busy putting new stock on the shelves and I did my best to walk around them and look at the plants. The younger of the two women was probably just out of high school and was the first one to ask if I needed any help. I said no and that I was just trying to figure out what would fit in my living room. She then walked away and I took in her black leggings that didn't quite fit her butt right. What I had told her was the truth. Most of what I saw before me was familiar. The problem that I was having was trying to visualize a single plant in my house as opposed to the grouping in front me. What looks like a lush jungle at the store never looks quite the same at home. Somehow my collection of plants has been reduced to five and I'm not sure how that happened. At one time I think that I had over a dozen plants in my place and I want it to be that way again. My plan today was to find something new to bring home, but I went back with nothing. Most of the bigger plants would be hard to transport in my car without tipping and I wasn't sure if I wanted four or five smaller plants to spread around my place. ... On tonight's episode of Globe Trekker, Justine Shapiro was in Ecuador and I must confess that I had never really given much thought about that country. In fact the program told me more than I ever knew about that part of the world. Justine can make any place seem inviting, but that doesn't mean that I am going to there tomorrow. It struck me as just a bit too rustic for my taste. As much as I see myself as a traveler there are certain comforts that I expect, but maybe that will change with time. ... I had already written a whole paragraph about the depressing quality of January in Wisconsin, when I looked back through the journal and found something interesting. Five years ago on this date I was falling in love. I wonder if that will happen again this year. I doubt it since my social life has come to halt with the absence of school. |