I just wanted to say that I am feeling better this morning and am amazed at the amount of emotional chaos I put myself through yesterday. Oh, nothing has been resolved yet, but at least I can think again.
I'll write more later after I eat and get some sleep since I neglected both of those things yesterday.
Part of me can understand his anger at me. He was after all defending his woman so to speak, but that still leaves more than a few questions in my mind. Why did he wait so long? What pushed him into action? Did she as he said make him do it? Was I really causing her that much mental anguish? Was I making her life a hell?
Yes, there were times when I crossed the line. I will not deny that fact. However, I never meant to make her life worse.
I can remember when she told me that when she woke up she would say that she hates her life. It was her mantra. Has that gone away? Does he blame me for her misery or is he the cause and I make an easy excuse?
I know that I am no expert in matters of the heart and how to treat a woman, but I'm not engaged to woman who has bore me a son and going to Las Vegas for a week without her. He however matches that description.
I am surprised that I didn't beat the shit out of him after he started talking to me. It still turns my stomach.
Maybe she is afraid to escape from her life in fear that she may end up somewhere worse. Sadly I'll probably never know the answer since I'm not supposed to talk with her anymore. The phrase walk away keeps echoing in my head.
My mood improved considerably when I got to work last night. The second shift crew has a way of entertaining me, usually through some interesting discussions. Last night the topic was politics and both of them were in top form, egging each other on and getting more and more excited. Oh, the two of them were in agreement, but one of them was playing the role of the opposition with more than a hint of comedy in his voice. I sat back and watched them go. It was fun and took my mind off of other things.