I'm A Big Kid Now

I want to take a moment and apologize to my readers for not updating for two weekends in a row. I myself get frustrated when the journals that I read do not update. So I'll try not to let it happen again, but I am not making any promises either. Now back to the story.

In case anyone was wondering, I did not spend the weekend with Nicole. In fact I did not even see her. First of all, I did not make it to Best Buy on Friday. Friday night was spent with Ginkgo, which was option number two that I had listed last Thursday.

When I did got to Best Buy on Saturday to look for Nicole, the parking lot of the store was filled. Every single shopper in the area must have been there and from what I could see at least a dozen cars were circling the lot looking for spaces when I arrived. This was enough to make me turn around and keep on going.

The remainder of Saturday was spent at my parents house, where I did my laundry and helped them assemble a new entertainment center.

Back to the topic of Nicole on Saturday. I know that it must sound like a poor excuse for not seeing her on Saturday, but its not as though she was waiting for me either. I will try again later this week.

I think that I am ready to start seeing someone again. Plus Nicole might be the right kind of woman for me. It would be nice to do things with her as long as she didn't take advantage of me.

Some women don't realize that I like having my own time to myself. Its time that I need in order to be happy. With Tracy I had to be her source of entertainment nearly twenty four hours a day. She could do so little for herself which did not make me happy. As a matter of fact most of the time I was miserable.

Besides being unhappy with Tracy, she didn't understand why. She thought that I was playing mindgames. I was the asshole remember. In her mind she was giving me all of her love. She had moved away from her friends and family just to be with me. Now I was keeping her a prisoner in our house and never wanted to leave. Plus I am sure that she thought that sleeping with me would make all of the problems disappear. Maybe she saw that as her way of paying the rent.

I know that last statement must seem really harsh, but how come women can dismiss old boyfriends and people rally around them for it and I can't dismiss her. Then again most women have sided with me on the topic of Tracy. She has been called a psycho, loser and other names by various women friends. The most frequently used adjective is needy.

What I was waiting for from Tracy was for her to stop shitting on me at every opportunity. I was waiting for her to stop lying to me. I was waiting for her to grow up, which she will never do by her own admission. She confused the concept of growing old with being responsible.

Tracy was never responsible. Giving birth to a child does not make someone responsible. Women give birth every day and it doesn't make them a better person.

So at least Nicole has that going for her. She doesn't have any children. Or I am hoping that she doesn't.