Gestures Can Be Subtle

Valentines Day does not make sense to me. It never has nor will it ever. To me it seems to be a pure fabrication of advertising. Why should people try to express their feelings on one day of the year?

Yes, yesterday did not go well.

I have reached the point where I refuse to buy cards, candy or flowers for a woman. All of it seems so silly and meaningless to me. I have done it before and I try not to repeat myself. I would rather be looked upon as being an asshole than a dumb guy with a bunch of roses in his hand (Tim Allen on Home Improvement would be a good example). Does a woman love a dork or an asshole?

One might argue that it is the gesture and not the object that matters, but I think that I operate differently than other people. A greeting card that will be discarded means so little to me, so why should I give something that I do not believe in. I also have a stack of cards from Tracy and we all know how meaningful that ended up being.

For the record, she did get me a card yesterday and I appreciated it.

Maybe I should have written something by hand for her. I don't know. I knew that whatever I would have done would not have made her happy, so I chose to do nothing.

Brenda did agree with me for most of the day. Yes, she was a little hurt that I didn't even get a card, but she wasn't throwing me out either. Then later in the day it changed. She had been sleeping next to me on the couch when it happened. She had no idea what she was going to tell her friends tomorrow what she had got for Valentines Day. Now wait a minute here. What is more important here? Me or what her friends think of me.

Women call men childish, but on a holiday women really regress.

Just for clarification here, I do not buy gifts for my family on their birthday or holidays. They know this about me. I have broken down in the past, but usually my gifts are money. All sense of creativity leaves me for some reason, when it comes to presents.

I give so much of myself to Brenda and she doesn't seem to realize it. On Friday night, I went to a small party with her. The party was for a woman leaving the company where Brenda works. I do not know any of these people and I have explained before how I sometimes hate small gatherings and alcohol, but I did it just for her. I even came across as being pretty friendly.

You could look at it the other way too. Here she is putting me on display for her friends in the leather jacket that she bought me.

At the party some of her friends were giving me advice on what to get Brenda. They also said to never give a woman a choice.

Last night Brenda and I went out to dinner with her mom and step dad. This is also a very awkward moment for me. I can generally keep a conversation going, but there is always the feeling of being evaluated while I am talking.