Four Accidents

On the drive into work this morning, I saw the aftermath of four different accidents. My guess for the cause of the accidents must have been the layer of ice that was deposited on the roads as we slept. Before I left for work this morning, I had to extract my car from a veneer of ice.

Maybe I am starting to mellow as I get older. Today at work I got reprimanded for something that was not entirely my fault. Now I need to back up the story and give details. I have already established the fact that I am probably the most junior member of our department in terms of experience. The other three members have all been in the field longer than I have been. Nick entered in at roughly the same time, but at a higher level so his knowledge in some respects is more advanced than mine.

Today one of the more experienced members questioned me as to why I had missed some information in our database. I responded by saying that she had given the okay to the project about a week ago. I clearly remembered sitting with her and reviewing the data. She said that we had not reviewed the part that I had "missed" in the database. I knew that we had, but I no longer see any point in arguing. Its not worth my time anymore. My personal health is more important to me than arguing with someone when I could be doing other things.

As my company grows, the tension level grows with it. Very little of what we do is fully documented and we make things up as we go along. This can be fun, but at the same time very dangerous in business terms. What I have going for me is that I am young and can move on whenever I feel that it is time.

All of this talk about business reminds me of something that Brenda told me on Friday night. When Brenda had gotten tired of drinking, we went to get some food. While we were eating she started to talk about how the pressure of work was getting to her. On an almost daily basis she gets screamed at by the local white trash of the community. We live in a society where the customer is always right and feels the need to vent their petty frustrations on some stranger. She knew that I would be upset if I ever saw anyone start in on her. I should really print out the entry where I said that I would be all over someone who verbally abused her.

I have read that this chivalric attitude can be the downfall of some men when it comes to women. I am not rescuing Brenda though.

Psychology really is the religion of the masses. Instead of making offerings to an unseen god, money is freely handed over to someone with a degree. Now a person can meet their personal savior.

I spoke with Bill this afternoon and he convinced me that things will get better. He worked the other half of the week when I was still on the night shift. He said that it seemed like I had left long ago, because so much of the personnel has changed since I was there. As helpful as Brenda can be, it is still nice to have some support from someone who has done the job and knows from firsthand experience when I talk about my company.

For the longest time Bill was passed over in my old department. Promises have been made and broken more than once to him.

Without delving too much into the realm of self help, I have to wonder how much personal growth I have experienced since I have been working here. Sometimes I think that I am finally on the road to some kind of career. I am, but I still need to do other things that have more meaning for me. Never ever will my life revolve around my job.

This journal is helpful on some levels, but I think that there is going to be a subtle change in the coming months. I guess that I wish the prose were more colorful. By the word colorful I mean more lyrical not more profanity.

I have certain patterns that I follow like a daily ritual. Complaining about work is a regular motif. Another popular topic is the commute to work which is closely related. Now I have the girlfriend aspect. Then to enrich the writing I try to intersperse some comments about society.

Maybe I just can't escape the influence of Big Two Hearted River. I still love that short story. Its so true to me with its rhythmic and healing quality.

Indian Camp is another short story that still affects me. If I remember correctly its only about five to six pages long, but the amount of emotional weight that Hemingway injects into the story is amazing.

Yes, if anyone is wondering I did write most of this entry instead of working for the final hour or so while I was at work.

Brenda has to close the store tonight, so I have some time to devote to my little creation here.

Something that I have to look forward to this week is that I have Friday off. So far this year I have taken at least one day off a month. Maybe that is indicative of something. Time will tell. Cliches can be so much fun.

I am trying to think of what else has been on my mind lately. Well I know that I am happy to be reading again. Even the small amount that I read during my lunch break is good for me. I know that a person's vocabulary can shrink in the workplace. I wonder how many other people besides English majors worry about their vocabulary shrinking?

Maybe I should resubscribe to the Finnegans Wake mailing list. Each piece of mail that I got from that list was so overwhelming in terms of information. Words were dissected and followed by annotation after annotation.

I did add some small details to the writers portion of the site tonight. I hope to flesh out the rest of the site next week. I want it to be more uniform.