Banjo Music

Today was another day of frustration at work that I wish I could describe more fully than I do. The word boring is so inadequate. What bothers me the most about these moods is the way that my world shrinks down to the very moment in front of me. Nine hours becomes an eternity. There is no tomorrow. Other jobs cease to exist. I will be here until I die and so on.

Communication with the rest of the world is deemed worthless. I don't want to speak to anyone about anything. All that I want to do is go home. I know that I can do much more interesting things at my house. Its as though I am wasting my time and no one seems to care at all.

I try to calm myself by reminding myself how long I lingered at the insurance company. Three years. I was there for three years of my life. I almost spent as much time there as I did in college and in some ways that is very sad. At least I know that things will get better sometime.

Monday through Friday I saw the same parking lot, walked through the same doors and in general worked with the same people. Oh, the cubes would get moved around, people would come and go, but nothing really changed there until the company was bought out and people either moved on or waited around to see what would happen. It was a static universe that collapsed upon itself in the end.

One of the few reasons that I lingered so long there was that I was unsure where I wanted to go next. There were some half hearted attempts at a job more closely related to my major, plus not much ever came of those pursuits.

Besides I was still enjoying living by myself. It was still a novelty at that time. For the previous five years I had shared my living space with at least one other person. The roommate count had dwindled from to six to two the summer after I graduated. Now I was on my own without a clue as to what I was going to do next.

The past few days I haven't had much time to read, but now that I am back at work I have plenty of time. So far I have made my way through the Mercury and Gemini portions of the Moon Shot book that I am reading. Then during lunch I got to read about the deaths of the three Apollo I astronauts who died on the launch pad. Even in print the stories still sound impressive.

Seeing Brenda at home after work was the best part of the day for me. Sometimes we might argue, but we are still together.