Higher Reasoning and Inhibitions

There are times when I lose all sense of time. What I mean is that the month of June is nearly over and I really don't remember much of the month. Then again I didn't have any plans for the month, it just came and went without me paying much attention to it. I find this to be sad, because the month of June used to hold more meaning for me. When I was in school the month of June meant the start of summer vacation or later when I was in college it meant the start of my summer job. June was the beginning of something, but now the month means nothing to me. The days just bleed into one another and nothing else really seems to happen. Work is work and nothing changes.

Last June had its moments both positive and negative. I went to Hawaii at the beginning of June last year and lost my car at the end of the month. Work still had potential a year ago, but now it has stagnated beyond anything that I could have imagined.

I have to escape this day to day existence that I have been living and start making more plans for the future. Either I need to do that or I need to start having more fun and start ignoring work more than I already do. There are those that say that they live each day as though it were their last. I always found this to be funny. If I truly thought that this was the last day that I had to live, I certainly would not go to work. Work would not even be an option. I would be on a plane to somewhere else and relaxing on the beach. Or I would drag Brenda out of work and have sex until I couldn't move anymore. Any and all inhibitions that I ever had would be meaningless.

Now I am thinking about what I would do if I had three wishes. I never quite understood that question either. Why would a person torture themselves with things they can never have? Or is it better to live a life wishing for things? I don't think so.

Then there is the question of what I would do if I had superhuman abilities. Would I be a force for good or evil? Yes, I read too many comic books when I was younger.

I don't mean to whine, but I have been feeling less than positive lately. What I need to do is take things less personally than I have in the past. I have to keep reminding myself that business is the opposite of personal and that the first law of business is that business does not care.

Later in the day my boss gave our department a small pep talk, but I still have my doubts about the future of our department. The nature of the work and the amount is not going to change. More importantly neither is my salary.

Now that I look back at this entry it sounds really pathetic, but that was how I was feeling early this morning. One also has to remember that what constitutes an entry may have been my state of mind for an hour or so. All sense of time is lost in the course of an entry. Oh well, I guess that I just have to keep trying harder.