Private Observatory

At first I found it to be a little sad that the crux of my entries lately have been coming from what I have been reading rather than from what I have been doing. Has my life become that boring? Of course this question sparked even more questions. Does my life have to be exciting to be a good entry? Some people can see beauty in the everyday moments of life. I, on the other hand, have a tendency to beat the motif of my commute into the ground. Am I searching for beauty in being a suburban middle class wage earner? Am I trying to justify what I do with my life? Then I start to wonder am I focusing on the wrong things? Soon I am asking myself why do I do this? Does this matter anymore?

Insert deep breath here as I take a proverbial step back and look at what I have been doing here for the past eleven months. On the most basic level I have been cranking out small essays. Some of them were poorly constructed and awkward. Others had a glimmer of potential or hints of something meaningful. The negative part of me would say that very little of it was original, but I keep on going.

I would hope that the journal would evolve over time, because if it doesn't then I need to stop. So does this mean a hiatus is something that I should be considering? Has this shrunken into a poorly constructed soapbox that I even I don't believe in anymore? What could cause me to be mildly addicted to this project for almost a year? Why do I value this so much? Does it have any value?

All of these questions are easy to ask, but I'm not sure if I have all of the answers anymore. I usually told myself that I did it, because its was my only creative outlet that I had left. Now if I get a new job I might have time to paint again, so it must be more than an attempt at creativity.

Is it a record of me evolving and if it is then has there been any growth? Am I the same person I was a year ago? Or am I afraid to go back and read what I wrote a year ago. Reading the archives is partly surprising and very familiar at the same time.

If I have learned anything from this project, it's that there are many people more talented than I am when it comes to writing. Almost everything that I have said here today, Alan said months ago. It was in his March seventh entry to be exact. I would link to it, but he took it down. Should my lack of talent bother me? I could take comfort in the cliche that it is the wise person who realizes that what they know is very little. I don't know anymore.

Damn. I wanted to talk about astronomy some more, but I went off on this tangent. Tomorrow night is the Perseid meteor shower and I want to watch. Its been years since I have bothered to watch one, and I don't know why. Its simple really. All that you have to do is look at the right part of the night sky at a certain time and be amazed.

Um, I have my second interview with my possible future employer Wednesday morning.