One More Monday

There are days when I am nothing more than a series of contradictions. With Nick being gone for the week, one would think that I would care more about what is going on at work, but I don't. All that I want to do is read and relax. Its so much easier to sit and read the entries from other journals than concentrate on my job. Then I start to wonder what my new job will be like and what the next few months will bring and I find it hard to relax.

I keep telling myself that I did the right thing and I just need to keep moving forward and not look back. I should enjoy the freedom in being able to walk away from some problems and get a new start somewhere else. As a side note, I have heard that people are already speculating on who will be my replacement. Hiring from within would be much smoother for them and I think is their best option at the moment.

All of this wondering about my future pales in comparison to my eighteen year old sister going off to boot camp in a few days. Her life will change even more than mine. I have a fair amount of control in my life, but she will be living the military way of life soon where everything is regimented for you.

I was thinking some more about the movie The Man in the Iron Mask and my reaction to it. Part of me is surprised that I did not like it, because on one level it is all about ideals. It revolves around a small group of men who believe in something so strongly that they are willing to die for it. Its romantic to the extreme, but it doesn't work for me. Maybe I was disappointed, because it all felt so hollow to me. Its a tale that I have heard before and it isn't true. I know from experience that people very seldom have any commitment to anything, but themselves.

Here I am trying to inject a modern point of view into something that is more of a myth than reality. Maybe I had better stop.

Last night my uncle and cousin challenged my comment that I am unconcerned about money. Yes, I will be the first to admit that my new job also means a significant increase in salary, but I'm not sure what level of importance that has for me. I can not say if I would have left for less money or not. Being with Brenda has made me more aware of money and what it can bring, but I still like to think of myself as a simple person with few desires.

For years my stance has been that I am more much of a humanities person than a business person and I like to think that this statement is still true. Yes, I am making more money, but my goal in life is not to see how much I can make before I die. It must be the Protestant upbringing in me that keeps me frugal when it comes to money.