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In search of a grill Today wasn't a bad day. I might even say that it was a good day for me. I accomplished a few things and felt good about myself. Yes, the days seem longer now that its just me, but maybe that isn't such a bad thing. I can't be sure, but I'll probably adjust to all of my free time soon enough. I woke up at five thirty this morning, but lingered under my afghan until about seven or eight. Part of me still expects to see Brenda next to me when I wake up. I know that she wasn't there when I went to sleep, but I got used to seeing her in the morning. She was the first person I saw when I opened my eyes. When I was with Brenda, Sundays were usually her day off and she had to sleep late. Brenda was not a morning person. If we did get up early, we had to go and do laundry. We had to beat the Sunday crowd at the laundromat. My part of the Sunday routine was the matinee movie. I managed to ride my bike further than I had all year this morning. It was a two hour ride where I explored parts of the trail that I had never been on before. I headed north instead of south where Brenda lives. On my return trip I was passed by a woman who seemed much more skilled at riding than I am. She breezed by me with little effort. Of course I had been riding for the past hour and a half and I have no idea how long she had been riding. She lingered in front of me for a while and then pulled away. Even after shifting gears, I knew that I couldn't keep pace with her. As I crested my second to last hill, I saw her again coming back down and I think she was surprised that I made it there. Or maybe she thought that I was stalking her. Later in the afternoon, I went in search of a grill. Most of our summer meals were made on a grill and I got used to it. Grilling is a simple way to cook and I don't have to use the oven. Its hot enough in my place without the oven being on for an hour or whatever. Sometime during the summer, we had recovered Brenda's grill from her mom's house. She had been thinking about getting a gas grill, but she changed her mind. It took three different stores until I finally found the one that I wanted. I am the proud owner of a Smokey Joe just like Brenda. Of course I still have to get some charcoal and lighter fluid before I can cook anything on it. Matches might help as well since I don't live with a smoker anymore. Once I get those things I am hoping to still have another month or so of grilling weather. Its funny both Tracy and Brenda owned grills, but until today I didn't. Then again both of them had been married and it makes sense that they would have all of the trappings that come with having a family. When I was in college my roommates and I had a communal grill. It was a pan just big enough to hold the coals and a grill held a few inches above it. A lid was not included in the package. It may not have been fancy, but it worked for us. While I was shopping, I saw all of the upcoming Halloween stuff. Longtime readers will know that I loathe Halloween. Last year I was out of town when it rolled around, but I might not be that fortunate this year. Since I had been mentally preparing myself for a move over the past few months, I wanted to see what I had in my closet. In typical guy fashion, I discovered that I have clothes that I wore in high school still in my closet. I realize that styles have changed since then and I don't wear them. I just haven't gotten around to getting rid of them. I believe that the rule of thumb is that if you haven't worn them in two years its time to get rid of them. What really surprised me was that I had over a dozen pairs of dress pants. Up until two weeks ago I never wore any of them. Some of them are simple chinos, but most of them look good on me which is what matters. I also have nearly twenty button down shorts that I no longer need. If I got rid of them I would still have enough dress shirts for two weeks at work. I am sure that my mother would be very impressed by this fact. There was a time when I refused to wear any shirts that had buttons on them. This rule also applied to polo shirts, which I still do not wear. Polo shirts make me think of old men with their pants pulled to the middle of their stomach. When I lived with Brenda, I only brought over some of my clothes and kept them in what was probably her exhusband's dresser. Many times I would wonder what kind of impact he had on her. When I got there, I couldn't see any trace of a man ever living there. The closet that was his and that I was now free to use was filled with junk that Brenda didn't seem to care enough about to put away neatly. Her closet was another story. It was very neatly arranged. All of her shoes were in their original boxes and possibly organized by style. Tracy on the other hand had all of her shoes in a pile which drove me to buy her a shoe tree. I got tired of stepping over them in our bedroom all of the time. My understanding is that Brenda's exhusband lived at home until he married her. So I imagine Brenda ruled over everything when it came to the daily operation of the apartment. She was the more wordly of the two when it came to living in the real world. I'm not sure if the furniture was hers or if they bought it together. My being there and using it never seemed to bother her though. Nor did bother her that she was living in the same place her husband and her shared together. Since I am nearly thirty I am guessing that any women my age that I might date have marriage and family on their minds. The biological clock is ticking for them and they want to settle down. Yes, I realize that there are exceptions, but Brenda was not one of them. Brenda was only twenty-six and she didn't want to wait any longer. She wanted a child more than anything. I have never given an explanation of why she wanted a child and her reasons for wanting one bothered me at times. Of the three children in her family, she was the only one who could give her parents a grandchild. Her sister is married to a man who had testicular cancer. Her brother is living with a woman in her late forties. That left it up to Brenda and whoever she was with to produce a child. Here is where I entered into the picture. The date when this would happen changed more than once when we were together. The temperature in my apartment is off the thermometer. I am hoping that it cools down during the night. In effort to help me sleep, I recovered my fan from the basement. After some serious cleaning, its back in action. Mark and Vickie offered to help install an old window air conditioner that the previous owners left in the garage. I'm not sure if I want to deal with the hassle of putting it in place and seeing my electric bill rise as the temperature drops.
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