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Shirt and tie Brenda called me last night, but I was online at the time so I didn't know it until this morning. What I mean is that I don't have a visible answering machine. Instead I use a service provided by the phone company which means I have to listen to the dial tone on my phone to see if I have any messages. There aren't any lights to tell me that I have any messages. She just wanted to tell me that our old neighbor had a baby girl. So now Brenda will have a new baby to coo over and envy. She sounded very caring on the phone. I'm not sure if we would have talked some more when she called, but it was nice to hear her voice even if it was just a recording. The novelty of wearing a shirt and tie to work has worn off as I knew that it would when I started this job. Now it just feels like a uniform minus the name tag. My self esteem has never been tied to the clothes that I wear. If anything wearing professional clothes for any length of time makes me feel uncomfortable. When they move me to third shift, I'll be able to leave the shirt and tie behind. Ever so slowly I am starting to feel better about myself. Losing Brenda was a blow to my self esteem even though it might be the right thing to do. The intimacy that we had is gone. There are things that only happened between the two of us and I'm not just talking about sex either.
visual input at the moment: The Gingerbread Man - Kenneth Branagh
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