A friendly face
I should mention that today's entry was written at two different times. Rather than dividing them into A and B entries, I have kept them together. The first part was composed during the early morning hours while I was still at work. The second half was done shortly before I fell asleep. The amount of contrast between the morning and evening sections is quite dramatic. Even I can't believe how quickly my mood changed after seeing one person.
The morning section.
We as a culture like to mark time. We try to give meaning to an abstract. For example its November and it feels different than October did even though it was just yesterday. We are one step closer to winter with its embrace of snow and cold. Soon the sun will shine even less and people will get more depressed. Thanksgiving and Christmas are the only things that get people through the cold months ahead.
If someone would ask me if I am getting excited about the upcoming holidays, I would honestly say no. At this point, I would rather just forget about them all together. Sometimes I just don't want to get caught up in the mindless rituals.
In between those two holidays is another day that holds some meaning for me on a more personal level. My birthday is on the sixth of December. It's a Sunday this year, so I'll be at work for part of the day. In the past, I have taken my birthday off, but maybe this year I'll bring doughnuts in for my coworkers.
Maybe a year from now I will think to myself that I made the right decision in leaving Brenda. For some reason I always have a hard time letting go. All of the abandoned potential bothers me. The wrong words said at the wrong time bother me. Not being able to undo what was done bothers me. None of this will ever leave me either. Things and places will always remind me of her.
What else has been on my mind? Well, I started to download as many images of fine art as I could find on the internet. Why fill the hard drive with garbage when there are so many other things that are worthwhile. At the moment I have the Andrew Wyeth painting Christina's World as my desktop. Seeing all of those images made me realize how much I miss seeing art. There is still time to renew my membership at the Art Institute of Chicago for the Mary Cassatt exhibition.
The evening section.
I had contemplated staying awake for the day, but the couch changed my mind at around eleven this morning. When I woke it was three thirty in the afternoon.
After spending about two hours of listening to music and staring out the window, I went shopping. The stores were empty of course, because the Packer game was still in progress on television. Suddenly as I am walking through the store, I hear a woman's voice say my name.
I hesitate to even mention her here. So to maintain her privacy and to keep her more to myself, I will call her Sarah.
We used to work together at the insurance company and I haven't seen her since I left. I do however remember saying goodbye to her. We talked quite a bit when I worked there and she would caution me now and then about seeing Tracy.
Sarah without a doubt is a very bright and attractive woman. She reminds me of Kimberly Williams from the new version of Father of the Bride.
The last time that I had spoke with her she was going through the final stages of a divorce. I'm not sure if she has put that behind her yet. I'm not sure how anyone can completely put a divorce behind them. Well Brenda didn't seem to have any problems. Then again I was there to fill the void.
In my guise of hyperactive lad, I rattled on for what seemed like forever to me. We talked about what we had been doing and what was new with each of us. Then without thinking I ask her out to dinner sometime. Ugh. What am I doing? I just spent maybe ten minutes describing what was going on with Brenda and I and then I ask Sarah out. She must think that I am starved for attention. I must have sounded like a complete idiot. Sigh.
She didn't say no though.
I'm not sure what will happen. It might be nice just to do things with someone new. Sarah and I got along differently than Brenda and I did. Besides you have to like a women who does not watch football.