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monday mornings At noon yesterday, I let my body just collapse in bed. It was definitely something that I needed to do, because a mere sixteen hours later I felt much better than I had in days. Oh, I remember seeing the clock at sometime after midnight, but staying in bed for a few more hours seemed like a better idea at the time. There were some fragmented dreams along the way that included old girlfriends and friends from grade school, but not enough to mention here. Unlike most people I love the early morning hours on a Monday. While others are either getting ready to start another week of work or are still in bed, I do some of my best thinking during that time and start to put things that I neglected during the past week back in order. The early morning silence and darkness helps me free my mind of any distractions and I can focus on what is important to me. For just a few moments everything seems right in the world for me and I love that feeling. Without a doubt, it is the best time of the time for day, because everything around me seems so pure and still. I wish that I could carry that feeling with me through the rest of the day, but I never seem to be able to do it. Something happens after sunrise that changes everything. Usually by ten in the morning any motivation that I might have had earlier in the day has vanished. The other five days of the week, I am starting to wind down at that time so it really shouldn't be that much of a surprise to me, but every Monday and Tuesday I still wonder why I feel so sleepy. Then the thought of staying awake through the afternoon is an even bigger struggle for me, which is why I usually take in a matinee. I see it as something that doesn't require much thought and isn't a complete waste of time. Today, however, I read a book instead of taking in a movie. Even though I felt better, I still wanted to stay inside the house and relax. I wasn't in the mood to interact with other people. I just wanted to stay within my little bubble. I've decided to limit my spending for the rest of the year. Oh, I do put some money aside each month, but it seems that all I do on weekends is spend money. Most of what I buy is worthwhile, but at the same time, I don't need to buy something new every chance I get. I seem to be spending my money just as fast as I can make it and that really has to change. I need to concentrate more on what I want to do with my life next year. Some of the haphazard approach that I rely on so much has to change. I'm not saying that I want a definite plan that can't be broken. I just want to use my time a little more wisely than I do now. What I mean to say is that I'm seriously thinking about moving again and I'll need the money if I am going to go with a house of my own. This will be my fourth and more than likely the final winter that I want to spend in this house. I need to be somewhere that I can call my own.
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