I spent today dicking around the house, hoping the FedEx man would try to deliver my shoes one more time.

See, back at the beginning of January I ordered a pair of monochrome black high-top All Stars from Converse. At the beginning of February they were still sending me e-mails that said ITEM BACKORDERED WAREHOUSE WILL SHIP WHEN ITEM ARRIVES.

Fine, then. I figured I'd give them a call and see when they thought the item might arrive.

"Maybe April," the sheepish phone service person admitted, "you want me to cancel that order?"

I did. Then I called this place in Minneapolis where Sonya had ordered some All Stars from back when Converse's web site wasn't taking online orders.

So the place in Minneapolis sent them out. But they sent them FedEx. And one day a SECOND ATTEMPT sticky note materialized on my door. And shortly after that a FINAL ATTEMPT note. What can I do? I'm not home during the day. I called the number, as I was instructed to do.

"The package will be shipped back to the shipper," I was told.

"But I'm here, in New Orleans," I said, "and the package is here, in New Orleans. Can't I just go get it? I'd be willing to pay extra."

Apparently FedEx doesn't work that way.

So I talked to the shoe people in Minnesota and they said they'd pop the shoes in the regular mail when it came back to them. For only eight bucks more, too. A bargain.

And then Monday FedEX left another SECOND ATTEMPT note. I hoped they'd show up all day, but they never did.

Even though I was nominated, I'm not a finalist for a Diarist Award. How stupid is that? Like I've already said several times, it's like Christ getting bumped out of the Messiah Awards before the voting begins. I think the whole thing is rigged.