Dear Party Host,

Dude, I had a burrito for lunch. Hell, I had three of 'em! So anyway, I just went in your downstairs toilet. I destroyed it, dude. I left a big floater in there, used like half a roll of toilet paper. I didn't flush it 'cause I didn't think it would go down. I figured you needed to know.

Hey, is there any more of that onion dip? It's fantastic!