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i touched the world Today wasn't that different than any other Monday for me. To be even more blunt, I wouldn't have even known that it was a holiday if I hadn't turned on the television. Unlike the media generated holiday, I didn't travel anywhere today or do any grilling. In fact I only left the house once today and that was just to put more gas in my car. Oh, I did drive around the city for a while, but that was to alleviate some of my cabin fever. I had been inside all day long and I needed to get out and see something different than the walls of my house. I can't remember the last time that Memorial Day was a big event for me. More than likely it was probably when I was in high school when it symbolized the start of summer. Wisconsin also delivered some less than spectacular holiday weather for today. The sun wasn't even seen until sunset, but that continues the pattern that we have had all through May. From what I saw on the weather we got eight inches of rain this month. ... For the first time in years, I painted today. Even though the end product looked awful, it still felt good to be doing something creative. For so long I have been whining about how my job is so far removed from who I am as a person and yet I do next to nothing to change that fact. Not only did I take my first step in being creative again, but I finally got to use some of the art supplies that have been going to waste in my house. Watercolor has never been my best medium, so I didn't have that high of hopes for my first effort. To complicate matters, I tried a different technique this time. I didn't do a preliminary sketch like I used to do years ago in college. I just started to paint with the brush and did my best to get the proporions correct. So often people cut loose through art, but the opposite seems to be true for me. For me it is more about being able to manipulate color and shape. Painting is very much about the technique and control. It isn't that my stuff lacks emotional content, but I'm not one for overkill either. ... Lately I've been feeling the need to do something completely self-destructive. I need to do something that isn't good for me, but would be fun at the same time. I want to regress. I want to forget about being responsible. I want something that is pure pleasure. Sex would be nice, but I'll settle for drugs. The idea of being baked for a week sounds so appealing right now. Of course with the time warping properties of pot, maybe one day would be enough to cure that itch. Although I wonder how I would react considering the fact that it has been two years since I last got high. I distinctly remember the last time that I got high, because my girlfriend was yelling at me. Suddenly I was being assaulted with this lecture about how I didn't have any self control and how disappointed she was with me. When a person is high, the last thing that they want is someone right in their face. It tends to spoil the effect. In hindsight I should have mentioned all of the times that she got so drunk and started talking like a baby. I guess that her acting that way was okay. Then again there is always that double standard when it comes to alcohol and marijuana. One of them is legal and socially acceptable, but the other one isn't. ... I've put aside the guidebooks to do some other reading. Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman made me laugh for part of the afternoon.
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