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light drizzle sleeping For about the first hour of work last night, I vented. Just one more time I wanted to explain to a coworker how upset I was about what had happened at work on Monday morning. None of this was new to him though. I'm not the only one to have been crossed by this same person. ... After getting back from doing my laundry I discovered a message on my answering machine. The message had been left by a consulting company asking me about Ann. This did and didn't surprise me. Ann had told me that she put me down as a reference and that was fine with me. What surprised me was that Ann was still actively looking, since I had thought that she was going to wait until after the baby had been born. Then again maybe this was something put into motion weeks ago. I didn't really know what to think and Ann wasn't home to give me answer when I called to tell her that they had called me. However through the course of the conversation they asked me if I was looking for a new job and I said yes. Now I suddenly have a job interview on Monday, which is definitely a good thing. At the moment I'm not going to let my hopes get too high, but at the same time it feels good to know that some other company is interested in talking with me. It gives me hope again. My future doesn't seem as limited. ... Here is what I scrawled in the semi darkness while lying in my bed. I had grabbed the first piece of paper that I could find. It was my utility bill still in its envelope. Surprisingly enough my handwriting is very legible for being done under those circumstances and I am amazed at how much I could fit on one small writing surface. I just wanted to get down as many details as I could before they were lost to the waking world. Once again here is what I wrote upon waking from a dream late this evening: I thought that it was Jenny, the very first girlfriend that I ever had, but it wasn't. Her name in the dream might have been Jenny though. Small details. We were walking home together. By home I mean the house where I grew up in Milwaukee. The house is still there. It's a couple of miles from where I live now. In fact I walked to there from where I live now a few summers ago. She was wearing a fitted leather jacket and I put my hand on her back guiding her through the gate in the fence. We were crossing the playground of the school next to my house. For some reason I turned back to look and noticed that there were more basketball poles than I had remembered. Even more interesting was the fact that all of them were candy cane striped green and white. Odd small details. As we were walking I found out that she had nominated me for some kind of writing scholarship. It was her little surprise for me. change of scene The two of us lying in bed. I didn't recognize the bed, so it must have been hers. I was lying on the side where I slept when I was with Tracy. Small details. I was waiting for her and she crawled into bed and snuggled next to me. The bed was warm and safe. No worries. No cares. ... In reality I have never met this woman, but in the dream I loved her. She was perfect. She was everything to me. Reading back over what I wrote I can see that it wasn't overly sexual. It was more comforting and familiar than anything else. We were simply walking and talking as though we had done it for years. We knew one another and it was that closeness that stayed with me when I woke. Maybe my dreams are trying to tell me that something is missing from my life.
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