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short term memory Okay, I seem to be falling behind again, but I'll do my best not to leave out any details. On Thursday night before I went to work I saw the best film that I have seen all year. After being told by three different people to see it, I finally saw Memento. I loved it. I really did. Clever yet not too pretentious. I think that I must have thought about it for at least an hour after I saw it. One thought kept going through my mind and that was the line that said that memory lies. It does. People change details over time and images lose some of the original sharpness. I guess some people would prefer to call that nostalgia. To put it another way people choose what they want to remember and the movie takes that idea to an extreme. The only problem is that I can't say anymore without giving away the whole movie. ... Ann and I talked tonight. She was hurt by my attitude on Tuesday night and I apologized. She got caught in the wake of my anger towards work which my other coworker has seen before in the past. Once we established that we were still friends I did get to hear what else had been bothering her. That poor girl can't seem to steer clear of any emotional whirlpools and her self esteem seems to be falling as well. She didn't believe me when I held her close and whispered in her ear that she was beautiful. She said that I was just saying that to make her smile. I wasn't, but that always seems to be the way that it goes. I'm not the one that she loves so anything that I might say isn't as important to her. I could shower her with affection and it wouldn't make a difference. She doesn't know how much I like to hold her and play with her hair. No, not in a creepy way. I just enjoy those quick little moments that we have together. Call it flirting or whatever. Maybe some of that does affect her since she was truly hurt by me on Tuesday. Then again she said that she was tired and not thinking clearly either. What I do know is that whatever I say to her I do mean and it was nice to be able to say it to her and not have her believe any of it. I also know that she is so confused and different from me that it would never work. Not every woman can make me regress to a grade school level where I drop candy down the back of her shirt just to watch her squirm to fish it out. Yes, I am the mature one here. Soon she asked me why my last girlfriend and I had broken up. I found it hard to explain and it all sounded so petty to me now. Some of it did make sense to her. My last girlfriend never trusted me and she doesn't trust the man that is causing her so much emotional grief. The best that I could say is that my last girlfriend saw life very differently. To her work was everything and our life had to revolve around it. Now that sounds silly, but at the time it was very important. I guess that what I should have said was that my last girlfriend never gave me any time to myself. That would have been more to the point. None of that really matters now, because all of it is in the past and my future lies elsewhere. ... Ann was surprised that I have a temper and I'm not sure why she should have been. I get upset just like everyone else does. Things bother me and sometimes I do snap at people. I'm not a saint. I am very human. Sometimes women seem to build a certain image in their minds and then they are shocked when it is shattered. Then there are the women who go to the other extreme and think that all men are evil. Just the other day on the nightly news they had a piece on what twenty and thirty something people expect from marriage. What they said didn't surprise me. According to the piece what most people want today is a soulmate. Okay. While that sounds great, I also think that that is setting people up for a major disappointment in life. People are flawed. People make mistakes. People argue. People fight. Men and women fight. Men and women in love fight. We do NOT live in a Disney world. There are no Prince Charmings. There are no Cinderellas. Those people are fictional. Prince Charming never farted. Cinderella never got pregnant. Prince Charming never drank beer. Cinderella never smoked. Prince Charming never slept with another woman. Cinderella never got depressed. Okay. Maybe I am sounding bitter, but I don't mean to be. I just know that love is not something that happens like it does in the movies. All together now. Let's sing that Supremes tune. Love don't come easy, it's a game of give and take or something to that effect. Then again why should anyone listen to me. I haven't had a steady girlfriend in almost three years. What do I know about love? I like to think that I have learned something of value in my life about how people relate to one another. I'm not sure if any of what I said to Ann was useful to her tonight. What I said was that I don't know what she wants from life, but that I sure would like to see her be happy. ... The topics of love, trust and marriage have also played a major part in my recent conversations with Nicole. Her married twenty-seven year old sister and mother of two has gotten involved with an eighteen year old man. Nicole thinks that her sister is making a major mistake here. She doesn't see any real future between the two of them and a seven year marriage is ruined. Oh, Nicole thinks that I should call the woman who works with my sister that said she wanted to meet me. ... The latest album by Travis came in the mail today and for me it was even better than their last one.
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