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hearing her voice Yesterday I glossed over how much hearing from Summer affected me, when in fact it had a huge impact on me. Yes, she was cautious on the phone, but that was to be expected. We haven't seen one another in months and I have no idea where I fit in her life anymore, so I wait for these brief moments of contact. I knew that she wasn't quite ready to talk, but I know how to get her to relax and open up ever so slightly. Soon we learned that neither of us had done anything too exciting on New Year's Eve. I had left that option open for her when we last spoke, but I knew that that would be putting too much pressure on her so I didn't press it. I know that I wouldn't have minded spending some time with her, but I know that she isn't ready yet. After she hung up, I thought about her for the next three hours or so. Then I fell asleep only to be woken by another telephone call. This time it was my sister. She had just gotten back from her company holiday party and wanted to tell me that she got a free dvd player for being such a good employee. ... In contrast to yesterday, today was almost completely unproductive. I didn't venture out of the house once. About all that I did was discover how much still needs to be sorted through at my place. Things were hastily put away for the holidays and they really need to be either put in a better place or thrown out. Of course I didn't do anything of the sort. I just thought about doing it and did little else except feel horny. Now I am beginning to sound like a Green Day song so I had better stop. Maybe it was the fact that I shifted back to my third shift schedule on my third day off that left me so confused and directionless. I can only hope that that was the reason for my apathy, because days like today make me feel guilty.
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