|
not quite numb With the end of the week almost here, I don't think that I could be happier. Work hasn't been bothering me that much any more, but at the same time I don't have that much interest in being there either. I go there and do what I have to do and then come home. I also try not to tell myself that I am wasting my time while I am there. There haven't been any more incidents with my boss and I made it through a team meeting without any conflict. Actually I feel very little at work except bordeom. My coworkers seem to complain about the same things over and over again and I simply glaze over when they start in that direction. There isn't any need for me to listen anymore. It serves no purpose. Somehow I need to motivate myself again and try to make what I do seem interesting. Now that sounds simple enough, but I have a feeling that that might take some time and serious effort on my part. Then again it might be easier than looking for a new job. At the moment I can't quite decide which is the best choice although I think that I am leaning more towards the new job angle. Earlier this week in an entry that I have yet to upload I made a decision that I will have a new job by the end of the year. I can't say when that will happen or what the new job might be, but I do know that I will be a happier person once I make that kind of a change. Over three years at the same job is a record for me and I think that I have passed my breaking point. There is one small bright spot in going to work and that would be that I get to spend time with my buddy Nicole. That girl always makes me smile and last night was no exception. I saw her heading for a smoke and yelled hey beautiful what's new, because she seemed a little agitated. She told me that she had lost her lighter and decided to use the toaster in the cafeteria as a substitute. Now having never been a smoker I saw that as being a fairly novel solution to a funny problem. When I called her beautiful I meant it. She was sporting a new hairstyle and it made her look even more attractive than she did before. Naturally being a woman she wasn't sure whether or not she liked it. Sigh. A few hugs and kisses later I think that she believed me. ... The last that I heard from my family, my grandma seems to be stable, but her life isn't going to be the same again. Thirty years ago living tucked away from the big city in the north woods might have been an ideal place to be, but for an eighty something year old woman it isn't that wise of a choice. I doubt that she will be able to live by herself anymore. Maybe the physical therapy will make the difference. I don't know. What I do know is that there was talk of a three week stay in the hospital before anything else can happen. Growing old is so cruel. Oh, I know that we have a limited time here, but that doesn't make seeing a person change so harshly any easier to accept. Obviously my grandma knows that her time is getting short, because she'll make what I think are morbid comments every so often. She'll say something to the effect that we better ask her what we want to know now before we lose the chance. I know what she means though and when I was thumbing through an old photo album I was asking question after question. Here was this handmade leather bound book with black paper pages. On each page was a black and white photograph or two of people dressed in clothes that I have never seen a living person wear. These were photos of her parents as young newlyweds enjoying life back in the early part of the last century. Some of the people she knew, but there were more that she didn't. I guess that that isn't that surprising. What child knows the names of their parents friends before they were born.
|