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amanda wore lilac The journal entries are starting to feel rushed to me again or to put it another way I am forgetting and or omitting certain details that are important to me. That is not something that I like to do and see it as a bad habit of mine that needs to be broken if at all possible. Of course this trait may or may not be apparent to anyone but myself. At least I am writing more than I did a year ago and I take some comfort in that knowledge. ... There were other things that I wanted to say about my visits with my grandma. First of all, I would only wish a stroke on some of my worst enemies. For me I see it as a cruel form of punishment that causes so much damage. A person is trapped within their own body and left to depend on others. People in prison almost seem to have it easy. At least they can still walk and talk. Yes, there is the small matter of sodomy and fights, but at least they can still defecate by themselves. Plus they are there because they did something wrong. A stroke is not something that affects only people that society deems harmful or in need of correcting. As I said my grandma is making progress, but for her it must seem so incredibly slow. I see the change on a weekly basis, while she is there all of the time with nothing else to do but think about her current situation and wonder if it will ever get better. To me that sounds like a living hell. On the one hand I am proud of the way that I have handled myself while I am there, but at the same time I feel so useless. I can only say so many positive things and my knowledge of human anatomy is limited at best. Sadly I have to rely on what her therapists tell me and take them for their word. I wish that it wasn't that way. ... Going to the condo association meeting last night was not a complete waste of time. I did manage to walk away with some information. One of the things that I learned was that the skateboard kid and his mom are moving. I had suspected as much when I saw the relator lockbox on their door, but it was confirmed in the meeting. It seems his not being allowed to skate has affected them more than we thought. ... The weather matched my good mood today and made the walk across campus that much better. Sun on my face and no wind with only a slight chill in the shade of buildings was a welcomed change. Walking wasn't an effort because of the weather and didn't need to be hurried. I could look around and take in ther scenery, be it the landscape or the people. Gone were the winter coats. The sweaters remain, but they aren't hidden anymore. I liked the change and from what I saw on the faces of other people so did they. With the warmer weather I was able to wear something other than my leather coat, which in my opinion lets me blend better. Let me explain. More often than not, I don't see that many people wearing leather coats to class. Oh, I see a few here and there, but it is not the standard. Women seem to wear either a down jacket or a variation of the peacoat. Guys tend to wear down jackets more than anything else. In my mind a leather coat would be something one would wear when they were going out rather than to class. If I remember correctly some students just manage to roll out of bed for class and don't have time to try and impress people. Just showing up on time is enough of an effort. Now with my fleece pullover I look far less formal and less obvious. ... I almost spoke with Amanda today, but I didn't. This isn't the first chance that I've had. Quite often we leave the room at the same time and walk the same way for a good part of the building. So far my luck with my fellow students has been less than stellar this semester and I don't want the trend to continue.
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