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lower those expectations The escape quality of my week long vacation that the Tori concert gave me on Sunday has started to fade already, but I kind of expected that to happen. That feeling of freedom and detachment from everything never lasts for very long. Reality is hard to avoid without putting some serious effort into it. I imagine that drug abuse would help in that respect, but that isn't an option that I want to explore. Since I still have class this week, I can't really go anywhere and it seems strange to think that at one time I had hoped to be in Spain instead of here. Now I know not going is probably for the best. I may have been able to handle missing a week of class, but I realize now that leaving the country so late in the semester would probably have caused more stress than pleasure. As for school itself I am having my usual mixed feelings. Part of me is glad that the semester is coming to a close, but if I don't go back in the spring I think that all of that free time will depress me more than I can imagine. All that I will have left is my job and that has long been a dead end road for me hence my return to school for something that appeals to me. I haven't complained about my job in a long time and I won't start again. I just wish that I had something else in my life that would make that part of my life more tolerable. ... This afternoon in class another member of the back row asked me about our paper that is due on Thursday. I started to give her an answer when one of our resident graduate students interjected what he thought was expected of us. A feeling of dread came over both the girl and myself the longer the grad student talked. His opinion of what was acceptable far overshadowed anything that I had done and made her even more nervous. After class I went up to her again and we talked some more about the paper. We quickly agreed that what the grad student had said did not answer her question. He had gone far beyond what was expected of us and that is what he should be doing as a grad student. Then we talked some more and I wondered why we had never talked earlier in the semester. |