|
Words once said Work went well today. Everyone is still doing their best to bring me up to speed in the department, because its looks as though I may very well be going solo on third shift next week. No formal announcement has been made yet, but that is the impression that I am getting from all of the special attention I am receiving. All of the calls were funneled through me today and I managed to solve most of them. On a more personal level, I am getting to know the people that I work with better. I get to hear their stories about their families and so on. I, on the other hand, have kept most of my personal life to myself. Its almost better that no one knows that I moved my stuff out of my girfriend's apartment the day before I started there. To them I am still a mystery. There are times when I wonder if I was myself with Brenda or a slightly altered version of me. Now that it is just me again I eat a little when I get home and then lie down for a while. If I remember correctly this is what I used to do before I met Brenda. I need to unwind and make the transition from work to home and taking a brief nap seems to help the process. I usually start to come back to life a few hours later and end up staying awake past midnight even though I work first shift. When I was with Brenda we would eat right away when I got home, do the dishes and then go and rent a movie. She would fall alseep during the movie and I would wake her when it was over. Once she was awake we would shuffle into the bedroom and go to sleep. During the final months we seldom strayed from this pattern. Something had been lost between us. Something was broken that could not be fixed. Sometimes I felt as though I was supposed to entertain her and I couldn't do that all of the time. Its not as though I didn't want her around me, its just that I couldn't be on all of the time for her. The time that we were together is becoming more and more of a memory for me. Its become the past that finds me when I am feeling vulnerable. A past that makes me question myself and what I do and say. From time to time my mind examines the the phrases flung at one another over and over. These dialogues find me and cripple me for a moment until I shake them off. Sometimes the moments are a little longer than others. Enough. We were two very different people who couldn't make it work with one another.
audio input at the moment: classical music station
|