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cloud cover Well, I switched back to a more traditional form of breakfast. Instead of fast food burgers, I ate some peanut butter on toast, which on some level may be just as bad for me. Peanut butter I believe is primarily fat with some protein on the side. Of course I could be mistaken, because nutrition was never that interesting of a class for me. All of those years of learning the food pyramid never made that much of an impression on me. I remember the first time that I saw natural or home made peanut butter and was freaked out by how greasy it looked. I think that it had to be stirred before it was used, but I could be wrong again. This morning would have been a great day to watch a movie before I fell asleep. The sky lacked any real color and with curtains drawn lethargy could be felt in the air. Falling into a movie would have been a perfect way to end the day. Instead I put in the Austin City Limits episode with Fastball into the machine and hit play. A small group of people came through this evening to look at the house and even though I knew that they were going to be here, it still makes my stomach turn. I don't want to leave when they are here, because I don't trust them and I hate having people rummage through my personal space. Yes, they apologize to me for intruding, but it still makes me ill. It all makes me feel so small and helpless and it feels like an eternity when they are here. The fragile illusion that where I live is mine is shattered. All of my worldly possessions are just occupying a space that belongs to someone else. I have always seen my house as an extension of myself and it really does pain me to have people soiling it. I did not invite them in by choice. Now I know that I sound like a snob, but the people that came through to see the house annoyed me. To be more precise they smelt. What I mean is that I could tell that they smoked. Just the half hour that they were here was enough to leave a smell that lingered. It bothered me so much that I had to light a candle to mask the odor. I do not want to have someone who smokes living beneath me. I can not stand having my future tied to someone I do not know. I have to break free from renting. It never used to bother me, but I have had enough now and something tells me that this is going to bother me until I own a house of my own.
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